My relationship with God has been lacking lately, and has been weak and unstable at best for the past year or so. The strange thing is, I have so often just meditated on that fact alone without any repentance or regret. Relationships with friends have been weak or strained in their own respective ways as well, sometimes just because of my unwillingness to stop focusing on my own advancement and significance.

I write this without any strong emotion brewing inside me, which I think is the most honest condition for writing, and I have come to the realization that love is not in word but in deed. I have experienced the kind of love that others have had for me in the past (one particular incident comes to mind, but I won't announce it to the world because she did it for me in secret), and I want to be able to love others like that. I want the type of fellowship that was intended by God in the beginning, but primarily I want to love Him with deeds and not just words.

Don't get me wrong, I definitely believe that I am saved based on my faith in Christ alone, but I also believe that James is not exaggerating when he says that faith without works is dead. By this he's asking how can you love God and show absolutely no regard for Him in your life? Being saved is being freed from the bondage of sin and being changed into a servant of God; you can't have the former without the latter, and since I know from what He has saved me, how can I not live my life for His pleasure?

"Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. (Revelation 4:11)"

I'm really excited about school, and I feel much more safe taking these classes than ones in the past. It seems as if doing this to the glory of God is actually going to happen this time. I think the point of living to His glory is doing what He wants you to do, then doing it with all your might, even if it means reading something you'd rather not, or writing on something you couldn't care less about; even if it means taking phone calls all day at work from people who will cuss you out personally for something you have no control over; especially when it means being humble in those outraging situations that culminate in every area of life.

Forget the reasoning and implications of the statement "People are saved by grace alone," because frankly, if one is saved, the works, the good fruit, will always follow. He won't plant a seed without the expectation that it will grow, and He won't let any Christian live without being conformed daily to the image of His Son, who is perfect.