"Once I too dreamed that I might know every word of the bible. I hoped to pilot my ship across the surface of its troubled waters and know every bend and horseshoe bay. I wanted to drop a sounding line and call out its depth to my friends.

"Mark one!"
"Quarter one!"
"Half one!”
"Mark twain!"

But the sounding cry came from the heavens, and it was my own life that was measured and my own life that was known. And each time I am measured, I become a little smaller and a little less sure of myself.

I am now convinced that there is no end to these twisting waters. I will not master this river, neither its depths nor its ways. And now that I have as many years behind me as ahead of me, I have taken my pipe and seated myself by the captain’s stove to have a smoke and consider these things.

I have had to make some adjustments to my expectations.

So if not the whole bible, perhaps I could know the New Testament and come to understand the foundations of the Christian faith. And if the New Testament is too much to fathom, then maybe I could know the gospel stories of Jesus. And if not the gospels, then how about Matthew? And if not Matthew, then surely the sermon on the mount could be known. And if not the sermon, then at least the beatitudes. And if not the beatitudes, then I would like to know the first beatitude.

I would like to know what Jesus meant when he said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.”

I would like to know poverty of Spirit, for poverty is all I am left with. I would like the courage to be made poor before the shattering depth of the Creator and alongside the unthinkable breadth of humanity. Spiritual poverty is all I ask for now, and it is more than I can handle.

My God, Thou hast given me only one lifetime and half of it is already gone.

Mark twain. I am hoping for safe passage."

-Real Live Preacher