music: Clarity - Jimmy Eat World
mood: tired/happy/frustrated/okay

I wish there was a name for the above emotion. I've been listening to dogs yap for four days and I had to miss church this morning to clean. All in all though, life is good. Or okay at least, and I like it better that way: not bad, but not high enough to fall. Maybe all neurotic manic-depressives crave times like this, or maybe I'm just satisfied, nothing more, nothing less. And I like that.

Meg and Tricia seem to think I should sell prints. I so would, but how? Ideally, I'd like to be one of those guys that has their photography up on a wall in some obscure but popular coffee shop, selling for 150 bucks a pop. But yeah right, what are the odds, I mean how would that even be possible? I have to say though, I'm so happy people like my stuff. I can't wait to see where this goes, I mean I've only had a camera for a couple of months and people are already saying I should market the photos. And if a certain Sarah ever calls me about that photoshoot again, I'll even have my first awesome job - assuming it turns out good enough. And there's nothing like building a portfolio!

Speaking of, Meg, your portfolio grown significantly lately. I loved your old stuff, but dang. You're pumping the awesome paintings out like nobody's business. And what a unique style, you so own it. Kudos.

Man, music is so theraputic. This is my song of the hour, "For Me this is Heaven," and it reminds me of Ben Folds a little bit, which is not very characteristic of Jimmy Eat World, but it's definitely a good thing:

The first star I see may not be a star.
We can't do a thing but wait.
So let's wait for one more.
The time, such clumsy time in deciding if it's time.
I'm careful but not sure how it goes.
You can loose yourself in your courage.

[Chorus:]

When the time we have now ends.
When the big hand goes round again.
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?

And the mindless comfort grows, when I'm alone with my 'great' plans.
This is what she said gets her through it:
"If I don't let myself be happy now then when?"
If not now when?

[Chorus]

Close my eyes and believe wherever you are, an angel for me.

[Chorus]

On a totally unrelated note (maybe not so unrelated), I'm done with being infatuated with goals which may or may not be of God's will. I'd hate to neglect something He's definitely given me to chase something that's not only uncertain, but very well may be rooted in selfish ambition. I'm not saying this because I've made some big decision, or because I'm not going to go to New York if I get in, but whatever happens, happens. The door method is okay for me right now. Closed door, fine. Tampa's not bad, plenty of potential, plenty of work, plenty of opportunity. Open door, great. I'll go, I'll miss everyone, but an answer to fervent prayer and an open door are too much to pass twice. Walking by faith is simple and complicated, but I'm confident that whatever happens will be in His will; confidence is both pleasant and relieving.

Right now I have that comfortable feeling like when I wake up in a warm bed with no obligations for the day, relaxed, content, breathing, smiling.