Pardon me, but do any of you have $5,000 I can borrow/have?

Make checks payable to me. Thanks.

"Could I have your tater tots?"

-Napolean Dynamite

A classic Matt story I found as I was searching my archives. Circa April 4, 2003.

"I'm sitting here.

I refuse to do my homework (Mic syndrome) and I refuse to leave this chair... for ANYTHING.

I'm still in my church clothes, and I'm actually at Audrey's house right now. We're supposed to be studying, but I'm just messing around on the computer while she does something productive (see line 2).

I'm not sure if this story is worth telling to people who don't know the person involved, but we'll see.

My friend Sarah has this friend, Meredith, who has this really weird roommate (they go to FSU in Tallahassee). Anyway, this girl apparently had never seen a pine cone until she was in 7th grade. This astonished her so much that she actually started collecting pine cones, which is pretty darn weird, even for me. But since grade 7, she still has only collected 6 pine cones!

Naturally, I thought that was hysterical. But when Sarah first said pine cone, she typed it as one word "pinecone" (which may be correct, who knows...) and I read it as "pin-uh-co-nee" and so I laughed because I thought she was trying to spell Pinnochio.

Well anyway, not much else happened, I sign my lease in just 14 hours baby! Oh yeah, Uh huh, Go me, It's muh birfday...

There. That's all I got."

This made me laugh! I didn't write the caption, it was in the email my friend sent to me.



"#9- Joyce


That's right, just "Joyce". It practically sells itself. For as much as 50
cents, judging by the price tag. Kudos to the marketing genius who came up
with this layout. (I think Joyce went on to become an angry algebra teacher
at my high school. She always used to bust me and my girlfriend making out
behind the building.)

Here's Joyce's big day-

"Hello, Joyce residence"

"Hi, Joyce? This is Artie, your producer. We got the photographer to come in
today, so grab an extra bottle of aqua-net and get your hot ass in here. I
have a nude badminton tournament at noon." (I can only guess at the weird
stuff these people did for fun)

"Oh, what should I wear?"

"Something with rainbow colors, or whatever you have on. I don't know what
the background is going to be. Those retards from the 12 top hits album are
using the fake living room."

"Great! I just got new glasses. I think they make my head look less human."

"err...good. Wear them. Bring a flower or something...to...accentuate your
cheekbones"

"*giggle* okay, handsome, I'll be right over."

Little known fact about Joyce: She started the whole "one name" thing for
singers. Madonna, Cher, Prince, Pantera...all Joyce wannabes."

I know I've posted this before, but I redid some of it. I blurred some parts, sharpened some parts, and added a yellow tint, to lighten the mood. One of my favorites from my portfolio.

What do you think? No one commented on it last time. I have a lot of other pictures too, but I am never in a place with a computer and my camera at the same time...

Breaking news: China wins another gold in Olympic ping-pong.

This brings the grand total to: all the gold medals ever awarded in ping pong.

Congratulations, psychos.

Garden State was amazing.

Natalie Portman has never been so cute.

I want to be Zack Braff (but not...).

What a soundtrack.

Disjointed, abrupt sentences are nice.

So it was just raining, and I was running from my car into the library at school (i suppose many can see what is coming)...

Totally busted on the speed bump... it's one of those wide ones and i was running across it. I fell on my side and scraped up my leg up, completely beyond the playing-it-off phase. I fell right in front of a car, too; one that was letting me go because it was raining. I just laid there for a second more in embarassment than pain, but now my leg really hurts... I broke my reefs too.

That's the really sad part.

I suppose I should go home now and bandage my wounds. My foot is bleeding pretty well now. sick.

Honestly, I think they should make a new medal for fourth place finishes. Gold, silver, bronze, and copper. like a giant penny or something. Maybe aluminum?

Many things.

I worked at American Eagle for about two weeks. Loved it, but had to quit.

I turned 21 on August 4th. Yippee. Bet you can guess what I did. That's right, I watched tv until the wee hours of the next morning. Yay.

I'm tired. But later I'm going to change stuff around on here.

After I get back from Walmart that is... The hurricane is coming right for me. Have to go get some supplies in case something happens, like the windows being busted out by tree limbs and the power being out for weeks. Not to mention the two feet of flooding that will occur. Yep, a flashlight and some duct tape should do the trick. Maybe a gallon of water... But that seems a bit silly what with all the flooding. Definitely won't be a shortage of water. Yum.

Take it easy.

Here are two pics. I'll explain later.