Just to amplify the worst day of my life, the big post I just wrote was completely lost because this stupid mouse has an extra button that makes me go back a page. I'll explain later.

"A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps."

My plans are always big; His plans always happen.

"Radio Flyer is not just an extreme wagon.. It's also a great movie about two boys who try and escape from their abusive stepfather. Elijah Wood is the eldest brother, cool guy. The younger brother was real cute, who took most of the abuse, being the youngest and unable to fight back. The brothers were pretty much inseperable throughout the movie, a great picture of what real brothers should be like."

-Peej

I have to agree here Peej, I remember the first time I saw this movie, I was 10. I thought it was the greatest movie ever, so I asked for it for my birthday. Anyway, it inspired me to build an airplane and fly away, but that never worked... Stupid dreams...

I bought that book, War and Peace, by Leo Tolstoy last night. How cool is that?! It was only 7 bucks too! I started reading it last night, but it was a little late, so I didn't get very far. Reading exponentially increases my tiredness.


- Leo Tolstoy -

I hope I look that cool when I am old.

On another note, I'd like to say that even though Alexis and I have had our disagreements and all, I'm glad we are still friends... I mean what other ex-girlfriend gives the ex-boyfriend advice on girls?? I give her advice too, occasionally. I know, it's weird, but it's still cool isn't it? I mean, this is how it should be, she's still my sis in Christ.

Yay family.

You guys should really check out Kevin's site... He's a homeless genius... How ironic is life?

I have to post this. I'm reading some of Edgar Allen Poe's poems and things, and it just hit me how terribly, brilliantly tormented he was. Definitely one of the greatest writers of all time.

- For Annie -

"Thank Heaven! the crisis-
The danger is past,
And the lingering illness
Is over at last-
And the fever called "Living"
Is conquered at last.
Sadly, I know
I am shorn of my strength,
And no muscle I move
As I lie at full length-
But no matter!-I feel
I am better at length.

And I rest so composedly,
Now, in my bed
That any beholder
Might fancy me dead-
Might start at beholding me,
Thinking me dead.

The moaning and groaning,
The sighing and sobbing,
Are quieted now,
With that horrible throbbing
At heart:- ah, that horrible,
Horrible throbbing!

The sickness- the nausea-
The pitiless pain-
Have ceased, with the fever
That maddened my brain-
With the fever called "Living"
That burned in my brain.

And oh! of all tortures
That torture the worst
Has abated- the terrible
Torture of thirst
For the naphthaline river
Of Passion accurst:-
I have drunk of a water
That quenches all thirst:-

Of a water that flows,
With a lullaby sound,
From a spring but a very few
Feet under ground-
From a cavern not very far
Down under ground.

And ah! let it never
Be foolishly said
That my room it is gloomy
And narrow my bed;
For man never slept
In a different bed-
And, to sleep, you must slumber
In just such a bed.

My tantalized spirit
Here blandly reposes,
Forgetting, or never
Regretting its roses-
Its old agitations
Of myrtles and roses:

For now, while so quietly
Lying, it fancies
A holier odor
About it, of pansies-
A rosemary odor,
Commingled with pansies-
With rue and the beautiful
Puritan pansies.

And so it lies happily,
Bathing in many
A dream of the truth
And the beauty of Annie-
Drowned in a bath
Of the tresses of Annie.

She tenderly kissed me,
She fondly caressed,
And then I fell gently
To sleep on her breast-
Deeply to sleep
From the heaven of her breast.

When the light was extinguished,
She covered me warm,
And she prayed to the angels
To keep me from harm-
To the queen of the angels
To shield me from harm.

And I lie so composedly,
Now, in my bed,
(Knowing her love)
That you fancy me dead-
And I rest so contentedly,
Now, in my bed,
(With her love at my breast)
That you fancy me dead-
That you shudder to look at me,
Thinking me dead.

But my heart it is brighter
Than all of the many
Stars in the sky,
For it sparkles with Annie-
It glows with the light
Of the love of my Annie-
With the thought of the light
Of the eyes of my Annie."

Quote of the day:

"Just because I got lucky and caught the edge of the cliff with my fingers on the way down but didn't fall doesn't really make me any better than someone else whose fingers slipped..."

-Dano

I'm so wrecked right now. Not only did I work out for the first time in weeks, today, but I just slept for a few hours. This is always a bad combo. I feel really weak from working out, like my arms don't work anymore (I'm having trouble typing too), and really disoriented from the unintended nap. Grr... I hate feeling like crap. It's not fair, I'm not even sick!

Can you say... diarrhea?

I'm going for the "most time put into an extremely ugly blog" award... Any other nominees? I dare you to make your blog this ugly, or even uglier...

I had JerkHut today. That's Jamaican for "Yummy goodness."

I'm going to work out in a few. I'm sick of the abless life.

Men's Health magazine, here i come!*


*an inside joke.

I like the new pic up top. What do you think?

anonymous: well in your letter,
anonymous: don't outright tell her you like her
anonymous: but you know what to do
Frogboy777: no I don't...
anonymous: ok
anonymous: let me draw you an outline...
Frogboy777: haha
anonymous: name,
anonymous: what's up?
anonymous: blah blah blah
Frogboy777: LOL

"I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content. I'm content.""


Well so much for that idea...

People are so weird. Everyone gives drastically different advice, which makes it hard when I'm trying to seek good counsel. Who do I listen to? Argh... And I don't really trust myself to pick the right advice, and do the right thing. What's my deal?

Soy un perdador, I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me.*






*Thanks Beck

"My REALLY embarrassing moment came last week when I was at IHOP with a bunch of IV people and all the girls had left so it was just me and like...8 guys...one of whom I hadn't met yet, so, I introduced myself, held out my hand to shake his hand, and in the process, dropped my keys that had been in that hand.

I just kinda stared at the ground, then this other guy goes "Here, I'll get those for ya, you shake the hand, I'll get the keys." Haha. Oh well."

Funny stuff :-D

Why is it that I didn't notice the lack of Butterfingers BEFORE I put the money in the stupid machine??

Also, my stomach just made a funky noise. Sorry innocent bystanders.

Quote of the day

"...even though your chest constricts, your breath won't come, your bowels melt, the groan can't seem to rise and release, and the tears just won't come to give you that longed-for catharsis...lie there still on the wheel and just let Him spin away, pinch, push, pull, crush, and mold."

-Lucy

I'm about to go take my next test in statics... It's the last one until the final... Maybe an A this time? Sigh.

I'll tell you how it went.

This is a pic of the place i tried to show you before:



and these are some pictures from afar... wow...

Another day. I have a test tomorrow that I should be studying for, and I'm about to go over to Barnes & Noble to do just that.

I have no desire to type anything else right now.

My bad.

I got my car back yesterday. woot.

I haven't written anything meaningful in a while, if not months. That's been my life, pretty much, and I have to say, glazing over things and making it seem like everything is OK is not good. Proverbs 14:13 says: "Even in laughter, the heart is sorrowful, and the end of that mirth is heaviness." Well, that's me in a nutshell. I'm not against laughter, but I do too much to try and forget that I'm Matt, I have this set of problems, and this is my lot. The truth is, I almost fooled myself and became numb. I'm still the same guy, still sensitive, still wondering if this is really how life should be lived. What is it that makes us so darned complex? Well God of course. We're like Him in some ways, because we're His reflection.

I still seem to lie when people ask how I'm doing. It's not even a reflex anymore: I'm fully aware that I am not OK, and I realize that when I say I am, I'm lying completely. But then I think, I'm feeling so many things right now, I'm up and down all in one, so how can I really answer that question? Not to mention that sometimes you can tell they don't care to hear it anyway.

I have to go back to my original website and quote it. It's a feeling I've had for a long time, and I'm learning to deal with it, but it's still there.

"...The other day I was looking at a picture of myself when I was a sleeping baby. How innocent my thoughts were. I looked at my own face, and somehow, I remembered a time when everyone could see what I was thinking. All of my expressions were truthful. If I was happy, I smiled, and if I smiled, I was happy. I didn't care what I looked like, and I never tried to impress anyone. How innocent my thoughts were. I wondered where I became evil. I mean I know humanity is evil, but when did I succumb to my humanity for the first time? I know it's fruitless to ask when I became sinful; I sin because I'm a sinner, always have been. But it seems like gradually, I became more affected by the world and more keen to it's hate as I grew. Now, barely a boy, barely a man, I'm utterly confused. I don't know what people are thinking, what their motives are, or what they think of me. I don't know what I am supposed to be doing at the moment (though I am currently spending thousands trying to find out what I'm suppose to do in the future) or how I am supposed to act. It's kind of like I am at an intersection with no map, just idling at the yeild sign waiting for something to happen..."

I'm there again, at the intersection.

"I just found the office Paper Shredder. I've never seen or used a paper shredder before. I feel like the potential this object has to keep me entertained throughout the day will be incredible. Paper goes in, out comes confetti. Piece of bread goes in, out comes smaller pieces of bread. Blue pen goes in, out comes explosion of blue ink. I see no problems with this venture."

-smitty

You make me laugh man.

I'm so clueless. And pathetic. Not to mention hopeless. That's all.

*sigh*

I want everyone who visits my site today to leave a comment. If you have nothing else to say, then answer this question: What's your favorite verse and why?

I was just watching this lame show called "Beyond" where this weird little man tells you what your dead relative wants to say to you. He goes on about various things that the people do just to prove that he's really talking to the dead people, and hardly says anything else except "your (insert dead relative here) loves you very much". Today was a bit scary though, maybe because sometimes he's dead on, but mostly because after he says things that are so real to the people, he promotes Catholicism. He told this guy that his mother is still with us, but that he needs to get a rosary and pray to St. Anthony.

Now just assuming that this guys is really receiving these messages from something, the bible says to "believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world." I think he may indeed be receving something... Think of what the goal of Satan and his demons is, to thwart God's plan and will. This man is just a tool to get people comfortable with death, to make them forget that they are responsible to believe and repent. He makes it seem like everyone is OK after death, that everyone is good and goes to heaven. This world is covered in demonic and seducing spirits that are not easily seen. This man appears to be comforting people with his words, when it may mean the cost of their souls.

Hence the Bible also says this would happen in the last days.

I'm getting my car back on Friday, HALLELUJAH!

I'm sitting here at work right now, having been here an hour longer than needed, in desperate search for a ride home. I'm just getting some stuff done that I would have had to do Monday (I get the rest of the week off, YAY!) like printing out this brochure for this awesome house:



It's really cool because I design brochures and fliers for houses like that. This one is like $360,000 (riiiight...).

So anyway, I saw 2 Fast 2 Furious, and yes, the acting is just as bad if not worse than the first one. What did you expect? The low grade acting of the first one still made it a hit at the box office, why try to get better actors now?? Anyway, the best car was probably the Nissan Skyline (woot woot) which is only available in Japan. Watching movies like this is not healthy for me, a wannabe racer. I want every car I see, literally. Oh well, I guess it helps being poor...

Have you ever liked someone and you don't know whether you should say anything or not because you don't want to be to forward, but you don't want to leave it alone because you don't want to miss the chance? Yeah, well this is the first time for me, how awkward... What a dilemma...

So that's it for now.

Bye kids.

2 Samuel 24

18 On that day Gad went to David and said to him, "Go up and build an altar to the LORD on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite."
19 So David went up, as the LORD had commanded through Gad.
20 When Araunah looked and saw the king and his men coming toward him, he went out and bowed down before the king with his face to the ground.
21 Araunah said, "Why has my lord the king come to his servant?" "To buy your threshing floor," David answered, "so I can build an altar to the LORD , that the plague on the people may be stopped."
22 Araunah said to David, "Let my lord the king take whatever pleases him and offer it up. Here are oxen for the burnt offering, and here are threshing sledges and ox yokes for the wood.
23 O king, Araunah gives all this to the king." Araunah also said to him, "May the LORD your God accept you."
24 But the king replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing."
So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen and paid fifty shekels of silver for them.
25 David built an altar to the LORD there and sacrificed burnt offerings and fellowship offerings. Then the LORD answered prayer in behalf of the land, and the plague on Israel was stopped."

The sacrifices of God are a broken and a contrite spirit. If I don't give these things which cost me everything, I have nothing.

I like this picture, I hope it shows up...



EDIT: drats!!

And now, for car of the week, the 2003 Honda Civic (my car, except mines a 2001, same thing):



Here's the interior:



I like it. The exterior styling is awesome, I like it and I've had it for about 2 years (a rare thing when I like what I have for 2 years. I'm fickle, sue me...). I have a different CD player, and mine's a silver automatic. Lord willing I will get my car back tomorrow (no, I'm not telling you why I don't have it now...)

I'm at Engrish right now... SOOO funny...

I'm looking through the various building names. I mean, why on earth would anyone name a store "sexy cramp"? weird...

I'd like to just give credit where credit is due. I didn't discover bebo Norman, my friend Jen told me about him and let me listen to some songs.

Bebo Norman is a registered trademark of Jen, Inc. copyright 2003. all rights reserved.

Happy Jen? :)

This just in:

If I trade in my car and put down another $2500 I can get a brand new BMW 760iL for only $2300 per month! WOOT!

joke.

This is frightening... There is a scary woman staring at me here in the library... What would she do if I turned to her and started screaming? *shudder* And she's wearing a beanie... in Florida... in June... weird...

Hmm, anyone know why this is messed up? I can't seem to get the weird text to go away. Oh well.

Today was a hoot. I worked all day, and it went by really quickly. And if anyone wants to know, I figured out how to put a picture up as background, just let me know.

I just finished this book by C.S. Lewis a couple of nights ago called The Great Divorce. Phenomenal. It was way over my head in some parts too... It personifies the common struggle between flesh and what's really real, the God of the universe, our Creator. It was amazing.

Also, sadly, the shorts I am wearing have a rip in the back, actually two... Right on the butt. Is that OK? I'm gonna wear them anyway, I don't feel like jeans tonight. We're going to see "Finding Nemo", and then maybe a snack at Chilis. Should be fun. I'll let you know how it went.

Aye aye aye... It took a while to put it in the right spot, but check out the thing at the bottom. It tells you where people found your website and lists them with the number of hits the respective website has provided. Go me. It's muh birthday.

This is hilarious! Check it out!

"The saurkraut looks and smells like the wet end of a mop. Whew, and it tastes like sweaty paper towels. How did I get myself into this?"

Thanks, Jess, for the link!

A close second to the M3 is a car less than half its price:



A very impressive car...

A while ago I went to the International Car Show here at the Tampa Convention Center and this was one of the most impressive cars in the bunch. The seats are soo comfortable and the interior is top notch. The exterior styling is great too.

Guess where this was taken.


You guessed it... Ireland...

WHAT?! who knew?!

I've noticed something.

I think it's weird that as Christians, we can say things like "I hate how some Christians..." and quote all these articles that put down certain groups of Christians for being to "legalistic", or too "rebellious". Cut the crap folks (including myself), we all have problems.

1 John says that if we say we love God, but don't love our brothers and sisters, we are liars and THE LOVE OF GOD IS NOT IN US. Those are strong words. But those of us who have been called rebellious can be just as at fault for calling people legalistic.

The third day of work was stupendous. Well, at least I get payed Friday.

Sometimes I wonder if life really is better when you don't have bills to worry about. There would always be something to lose sleep over... right? Anyway, pray for me, I'm in over my head.

Meanwhile, I went and bought the Nickel Creek CD's again, yay me. I had both of them before, but then I didn't have them, and now I have them again. I have to say they are both equally good in my opinion, which hardly ever happens nowadays.

Hmm, what else... Well, people are saying this is hard to read... I can read it just fine, but I'll try a few things here and see if it suits everyone.

Later.

A few posts ago I mentioned owning a BMW as a life goal. More specifically, an M3:

I just got out of my first exam of the summer. Can we say 100%?!

woot!

Question: If I have two screen names, and someone's screen name only shows up on one of my buddy lists even though it is supposed to be on both (they don't know my other screen name), am I to assume that person is blocking me?

I've been trying to get together this list of 100 things to do before I die, and I want to put most of it up here... I can't put it all up here, but I want to do the following:

1. Own a BMW.
2. Have 3+ children.
3. Get married before the age of 25.
4. Eat ice cream in Italy.
5. Surf in Teahupoo, Tahiti
6. Go hot air ballooning (can balloon be a verb?).
7. Swim under a waterfall in Hawaii.
8. Break a record.
9. Speak another language fluently.
10. Teach something.
11. Design something really cool that actually makes it to production.
12. Be recorded on an album that many will hear.
13. Snowboard in the Alps.
14. Run a marathon or do a triathlon.
15. Meet a world leader.
16. Kiss my wife in Times Square.
17. Be on a private jet.
18. Play tag in the Smithsonian.
19. See my abs (almost there).
20. Ride rollercoasters in at least 4 continents.

to be continued...

Last night as we were driving home, I saw sirens on the side of this major highway. Naturally, every car in front of us slowed down to see what was going on, and since we were going so very slow, I decided to check it out too (plus I was in the passenger seat and it happened on my side). My window was down, and we were in the lane closest to the accident. Amidst all the confusion with officers and broken cars, crying and frantic people, there was a man awkwardly laying in the road unmoved. His legs were together and unnaturally turned opposite his torso. There was no blood; he almost looked as if he were sleeping. I won't say anything trite now, nothing about how precious life is (though it is), nothing about how it was a wake up call to me (thought it was), nothing at all. But it makes you think...

nickel creek. you're welcome.

I got this new check card today from Bank of America®, and it came with another, smaller card for my key chain. Although, I can't use it at an ATM, and basically, it's not that much smaller than the other one, only it has a hole in it for the keychain. Bank of America is officially the dumbest company in America.

"And the God of second chance
Picked him up and He let him dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, preparing him, the one
To hold him up when he comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And now a man, here you stand
Your day has come..."

-Bebo Norman, awesome guy.