I talked to my dad last week for the first time since January. He sounded so tired. I'm not quite sure how many medications he is on now, but I know Lithium is supposed to be pretty strong; he's taking that for manic depression which is hereditary. Surprise surprise, right? Pray for us.

It's so funny how quickly someone can change from "I'll cry when you leave," to obvious apathy towards me as a person. Maybe the prospect of me leaving added intrigue to my character, but I guess all that's gone now that my determination of life's direction is constrained to a scope of about 24 hours. I guess at some point it will all become a little clearer to me; I hope it will.

The library is closed, so I'm just going to paste this passage right now with no comments.

"16 Nations will see and be ashamed,
deprived of all their power.
They will lay their hands on their mouths
and their ears will become deaf.
17 They will lick dust like a snake,
like creatures that crawl on the ground.
They will come trembling out of their dens;
they will turn in fear to the LORD our God
and will be afraid of you.
18 Who is a God like you,
who pardons sin and forgives the transgression
of the remnant of his inheritance?
You do not stay angry forever
but delight to show mercy.
19 You will again have compassion on us;
you will tread our sins underfoot
and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.
20 You will be true to Jacob,
and show mercy to Abraham,
as you pledged on oath to our fathers
in days long ago. "

Micah 7

Many days have gone by now. Sorry.

I haven't been on a computer in ages - at least long enough to type anything out and make a substantial post. Ironically, now that I have the time and a computer, I don't know what to say. Lulls happen; I guess this is one of them.

I'm working on a substantial post. Stay tuned: sorry for the lack of updates.

All I have to say is that God is sovereign and is making my life exciting. Woot!

I got a letter from NYU today.

:(

And I just noticed that Meg asked me some questions.

1. Hmm... The complete works of C.S. Lewis, and the complete works of William Shakespeare. Both a tad trite, but I'm just being honest. My brit lit class has really opened my eyes to Shakespeare. I used to hate him. And I don't think any comments are necessary concerning Lewis. :)

2. Impossible to answer. I know a few that are definitely up there: The Breakfast Club, Schindler's List, and Lord of the Rings, which I'll only count as one since it's really just one 12 hour movie (extended versions anyway). I'm not sure what order, and what the other two would be; sometimes it's like apples and oranges. I like everything about movies. Kill Bill (both volumes), for instance, has the most beautiful cinematography I've ever seen.

3. Hands down, Angelina Jolie. By a lot.

Also let me know if anyone wants me to make them a banner for their blog, I made Joshy one earlier, but it's not on his site yet. It was fun!

Josh Priestley's auto-biography:

"Born into the trunk of an abandoned '63 Buick, it was obvious that Josh Priestley was bound for success. Growing up as a child, he supported himself as the owner and operator of a small-time Coney Island steamroller, loveably nicknamed 'RollerDeath', all the while saving up to get his college degree in 'steamroller innovation engineering'.

Currently in his spare time, Josh likes collecting JPEG images of steamrollers and handing out pamphlets on the street that outline the worldwide conspiracy behind diet mountain dew and the number 37.

Josh Priestley - a man of success. He invented the lightbulb. He built the Suez Canal. He identified the unibomber. And, for $9.95, he'll shine your shoes and level your driveway.

Ask your doctor if Viagra is right for you. Josh Priestley did, and it has made all the difference!"

I live for randomness.

music: Clarity - Jimmy Eat World
mood: tired/happy/frustrated/okay

I wish there was a name for the above emotion. I've been listening to dogs yap for four days and I had to miss church this morning to clean. All in all though, life is good. Or okay at least, and I like it better that way: not bad, but not high enough to fall. Maybe all neurotic manic-depressives crave times like this, or maybe I'm just satisfied, nothing more, nothing less. And I like that.

Meg and Tricia seem to think I should sell prints. I so would, but how? Ideally, I'd like to be one of those guys that has their photography up on a wall in some obscure but popular coffee shop, selling for 150 bucks a pop. But yeah right, what are the odds, I mean how would that even be possible? I have to say though, I'm so happy people like my stuff. I can't wait to see where this goes, I mean I've only had a camera for a couple of months and people are already saying I should market the photos. And if a certain Sarah ever calls me about that photoshoot again, I'll even have my first awesome job - assuming it turns out good enough. And there's nothing like building a portfolio!

Speaking of, Meg, your portfolio grown significantly lately. I loved your old stuff, but dang. You're pumping the awesome paintings out like nobody's business. And what a unique style, you so own it. Kudos.

Man, music is so theraputic. This is my song of the hour, "For Me this is Heaven," and it reminds me of Ben Folds a little bit, which is not very characteristic of Jimmy Eat World, but it's definitely a good thing:

The first star I see may not be a star.
We can't do a thing but wait.
So let's wait for one more.
The time, such clumsy time in deciding if it's time.
I'm careful but not sure how it goes.
You can loose yourself in your courage.

[Chorus:]

When the time we have now ends.
When the big hand goes round again.
Can you still feel the butterflies?
Can you still hear the last goodnight?

And the mindless comfort grows, when I'm alone with my 'great' plans.
This is what she said gets her through it:
"If I don't let myself be happy now then when?"
If not now when?

[Chorus]

Close my eyes and believe wherever you are, an angel for me.

[Chorus]

On a totally unrelated note (maybe not so unrelated), I'm done with being infatuated with goals which may or may not be of God's will. I'd hate to neglect something He's definitely given me to chase something that's not only uncertain, but very well may be rooted in selfish ambition. I'm not saying this because I've made some big decision, or because I'm not going to go to New York if I get in, but whatever happens, happens. The door method is okay for me right now. Closed door, fine. Tampa's not bad, plenty of potential, plenty of work, plenty of opportunity. Open door, great. I'll go, I'll miss everyone, but an answer to fervent prayer and an open door are too much to pass twice. Walking by faith is simple and complicated, but I'm confident that whatever happens will be in His will; confidence is both pleasant and relieving.

Right now I have that comfortable feeling like when I wake up in a warm bed with no obligations for the day, relaxed, content, breathing, smiling.